The Parish Family Blog

Loving Your Marriage and Going for More in 2008

I saw this post on Shonnie and Bruce's blog at their  "I Do I Do" The Marriage Vow Workshop website.

Personally I find their continued wisdom around keeping your relationships fresh, open and authentic very welcome advice. Though the website is about marriage vows, their on-going insights are about your relationship - which is what really counts, right? You get married one day then the rest of your life together is your relationship. What I find all to often is the vows at the wedding are said and forgotten. The notion of actually co-creating 'relationship vows' is something I can get on board with because that is part of what helps any relationship evolve and become more loving with greater levels of gratitude being experienced. To make that work you have to talk about them and check in with each other and evolve the vows as your relationship evolves. Or maybe the vows stay as is, but the point is you talk about them periodically - and I'm not saying talk every year or two - much more often. Sure, it's scary at first, but over time it's just part of what you do to reinforce why you love each other so much.

So with that I'm reposting their recent blog entry for those of you who are married or in a relationship and you're choosing to continue down your path together to find more ways to grow together.

I miss being in a relationship - guess you could tell. I hold the vision for a new one for sure.

Best to you
Tom
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Blog Post From 12-30-2007

Most people I know make New Year’s Resolutions an individual thing. If you want your marriage to be better, however, it’s best if you both resolve to make changes instead of making this a solo act. That doesn’t mean you both have to make the same resolutions. It simply means that you’re both committing to doing your part for the health of your marriage. Based on my experience, here are suggestions about two areas to consider for improvement — changes in these areas can profoundly alter your relationship for the better.

Past = resentment and grudges. 2008 = forgiveness and growth. Resolve to forgive each other for those hurtful things that we all sometimes do in our relationships. Let go of hurt feelings, talk about the pain, offer and accept apologies, then choose a new path forward.

Past = busyness and lots of “priorities.” 2008 = slowing down and reserving time for the relationship. Resolve to hold your marriage as sacred and give it the time and attention that it needs to thrive. Instead of waiting for special moments to say “I love you” or to give a gift, do things to show that any moment is a special moment in your relationship.

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”

~ Wayne Dyer

May 2008 be a truly magical year for you and your beloved. May all that did not serve you in the past be gently left behind. May those dreams which you deferred now blossom and grow in the light of a new year. May you find more joy, love, and peace in the journey to come than that which you already have known. Happy New Year!

==================================

Thinking about the New Year

I'm ready for it, for 2008. Well, as ready as we can be, eh? Let's see how we meet the New Year and what will be called inside us to live into the challenges and changes that come our way.

I'm reminded that life has its way and we have our choices. Helps me to recall, especially when events I'm experiencing are not what I wanted, that there is much in my life around me through which I can re-experience a sense of gratitude.  That seems to help me revitae my inner self.

I saw a quote this morning, and it resonated with me and gave me pause for thought.

Marcus Aurelius Antoninus published 1800 years ago: “Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.”

Wishing the BEST to you for the New Year.
Tom

Traveling to Marquette Today with Lily

The house is all tidy. Jenny is our beloved housesitter and caretaker of Tinkerbell and Wendy. We have a ride to the airport - thank you, Gerry.

I'm taking two books to dive into.

The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb,
and
Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power & Creativity of Your Dark Side, by David Richo

I have a feeling I'll be posting some insights along the way this week.

Write me!

Tom

Reminding Myself - Feelings Are a Doorway to Insights

We meet ourselves time and time again in a thousand disguises on the path of life.

                                                                                                         -C. G. Jung

Ever have one of those days you walk around feeling that welling-up in your chest, with your lips quivering at times and you just want to cry? That's how I've felt lately. Partly it's due to all that has passed or been lost or changed this year, along with some heartbreak along the way, both personally and at my work.  I'm finally feeling on the other side of this with a deeper sense of gratitude for what has been given and what tomorrow will bring. I can see I get scared wondering what will be next in life, as it often seems so unpredictable and I find myself,again, thinking I can self-direct the end result, ha!

While working out today I reaed something that just put me over this edge. I was thinking about how much I had pushed for certain things this year 'to be so,' and suddenly I got that I'm not in control nor am I in charge. I've been here before. I know this at one level, yet a part of me doesn't want to let go. Surely you've felt that yourself?

I'm reminded that all I have is how I bring myself to the challenges and changes that I meet in life.  Somehow this hit me with greater clarity today. And from what poured out, besides all the tears, was a deep sense of gratitude for being alive and well, and blessed with wonderful children and friends and a vision to make a difference in this world.

Partly this opening was caused from my getting out of the house to work out. And to help me stay in my body while walking on the treadmill, I listen to an album that has a sacred meaning for me from my early days with Sharon. We used to listen to it together and sing it out loud as we moved around the house. I miss sharing the depth of those sacred feelings. There are no words, really, that capture the 'it' we experienced as we listened and moved and felt this music.  You have to be aware of how to allow 'it' to be, while you just connect and feel. I found myself back in that zone this afternoon.

I like the entire album but If there was ever a song that could put me deeply into all these feelings, it's Polonaise by Vangelis - Private Collection album.

Here are the lyrics; however, you truly must listen to the music because Vangelis has this ability to put chords together that resonate so deeply in your heart, causing a kind of shift in awareness and consciousness, in my opinion.

Wishing you the best of what you bring to your life.
Tom

POLONAISE

<>

   

If you just take my sense of freedom     If you just take away my home     You can't ever hope to win me     This I'll tell you for sure         There is strength in the common people     For the people is all we really are     Young and old, the wisest and the lowly     Each indeed is 'Holy' in the 'Light of Love'         When the 'Word' comes     I will be waiting     Like the dove that shines he prays for peace     Some have waited what seems a lifetime     Some are waiting now to be released         For the moment we have this freedom     We will choose the way our hearts will move     All the people lost will find their way

Give that chance today     Hear and I will pray     No, not for nothing hearts will not be broken     As long as we are open     Our hearts will make us free         Free for the Earth man     Free for the millions     In the 'Glory' all will come to 'Truth'     No aggression, that we leave behind us     To be replaced     By 'You'         For tomorrow another morning     For tomorrow another day     In our children there's that sense of freedom     Help them use it wisely     I will pray

Justin and Juliet - Experiencing December in Boulder

In case you didn't see this in my earlier post, here is their address:

Justin and Juliet
315 29th. St.
Boulder, CO 80305

And here is what it's like Christmas Day 2007 in Boulder, Colorado.  Just off the phone with Justin, and he said the relocation is going to take a little getting used to ... I can imagine.  I wonder how Shanti and George Nelson are faring when it comes to going outside ... hehehe ...

Merry Christmas from Tom and Lily

We're up feeling a lot of gratitude for what we have in our life and the joy and loving that Sharon shared so deeply with us when she was here. We miss you, Sharon. Thank you for checking in with us. From what I can tell from the web stats, there are still hundreds of friends and acquaintances that come by to visit the site. There haven't been many comments posted, but I get emails and phone calls each week from people just wanting to connect and say hi or sometimes ask a question.

Hope your holidays are full of joy and love.

Tom and Lily

Yep ... Lily got the iPhone she so dearly wanted. I heard that Ryan (Lauren's husband) also received an iPhone from Santa - very cool.

To Be or Not ...

When you look at this picture, tell me what you think it means?

Go ahead and take three deep breaths and slowly take in this amazing print.

Last week while I was at the Austin Christmas Bazaar with Lily, I saw this signed print hanging in a booth.  I found myself circling back to this piece of art, feeling a great deal of attraction for it. It was like it was calling to me. I  think the last time I bought artwork was my first year in relationship with Sharon, and that would be nearly 20 years now, before we married or right around that time anyway.

It's hanging up in my bedroom, on the wall across from my bed. The colors match my room perfectly, as though it was meant to hang there. It is almost eerie how well it matches that paint on the wall.

Lily and I have taken to asking people who come over for their interpretations. In fact, Lily was telling me she's had the image on her mind and she's found her interpretation of it is deepening and changing over time inside herself.

Here is what it means to me. If you look carefully, the person who first enters the painting is carrying a ball that is fully lit and he/she is standing erect and calm and seems present. As this person progresses through time, they start to slump, almost with some form of obligation or defeatism (with the events of their lives ...) and their light is starting to dim more and more as it remains in their hand.

Then there is a point where this person is struck with a deeper insight and the light is joined with its heart and the person turns as though it has found a way to choose life - to BE in life more fully.  Had this person decided to just give in to the status quo and do what's easiest in living (if they had settled), then over time the light she/he holds slowly goes away -- you see it dropped by the wayside.  The lost love, the lost opportunity, and the lost passion she/he was afraid to embrace are sitting on the ground, cold and unconnected and becoming dim.

It's easy for me to see how we do this in our lives. As we get older, we find ourselves maybe at a seminar in our 30s, or possibly church, and we find a new crossroads that brings us a greater sense of ourselves - and being-ness. Then life gets hard again and we wander around trying to make changes that don't seem to really bring us what we want more of in our life. The title of the art is "To Be or Not" by Scott Moore. Interesting that I should find this piece.

The challenge each day in our relationships with the people we live with or in just existing in the daily grind of work is finding a way to bring that light we carry -- that passion for love and living our lives fully -- forward to get what we really want in us and close to us.  The often-picked choice is simply to let it go, let it slide into a kind of dull mundaneness, because we think that's easier and less trouble.

Or sometimes out of fear of truly becoming who we are as a person, especially as we become older in life, we let the light go, often so slowly we don't recognize that is what is occurring. We just don't think we really have what it takes to be as happy as we had dreamed was possible. The light slowly grows more dim. What do you really want in your life? Trust me; I see how short life is now, and living it more fully and sharing that with others is precious.

I think we're each on this path in life and we don't know what it will bring - except love and challenge and changes - things that we would never expect or want, for that matter, yet we then live into and open up new life from a new unfathomable point.  It is so mindboggling at times -- and it is what it is.

You tell me now what you see.

With love
Tom

The Dating Game

Well, there isn't much dating over the holidays as you can imagine. Being the kind of guy that's been used to a relationship with a woman who was his soul-mate, Christmas just isn't the same single. Luckily I have Lily and we're having fun hanging out as only fathers and daughters can do. Such a unique bond.  But I'm thinking about dating and sorting through my up-and-down emotions on the process (a lot of down lately).

I'll be enjoying myself with the family and leaving the rest for now to the universe. I remind myself once again that I'm not in charge nor am I in control. I only have how I decide to bring myself to the events of my life, and that's actually a gift in itself.

What I know now from my experiences in dating again is that a deep energy has been re-awakened in me that I can love again and I can find another soul-mate. So despite the difficulties and emotional setbacks along the way, I know I'm fine and I have no need to rush - just be with those that share my views and love them along the way. And accept with grace those that do not. And to remember what is possible from those that have helped me along the way.

Recently, I filled out a set of questions online designed to help you get the perfect match. Normally I'm skeptical of those things, but this one did seem to sum me up fairly well. I felt a nervous chuckle when I first read this and thought, What the heck, if this is so close I'll post it! I mean, isn't that what a risk taker, high energy, optimistic guy does who seeks predictability? So it goes ...

Risk Taker, High Energy, Optimistic, Seeks Predictability
This person takes risks in love and charges out into the world. They also like to know a great deal about who they are with and what this relationship is all about. This is the kind of person who knows their strengths and knows what they like in another person. Once this person knows they are on firm, familiar and worthy ground, they will take on a tough project, or go after a romantic relationship with a lot of enthusiasm and a strong belief that they can make things work. But, this person may usually feel this way only if they are with the kind of people that they have liked/loved in the past, or it is the kind of deal they understand because they have done something like it before. In general, this person likes dating a similar kind of person (same class, a certain look, similar goals and values), than someone exotic. This person takes their risks elsewhere.

From what I read I am compatible with a woman with the same kind of personality or with complementary traits with these characteristics:

Flexible, Dominant, Temperate, Extrovert
This person has a commanding and attractive personality. They like to take the lead, but are not compulsive about how life should be organized, or a stickler for lots of rules and must-do's in a relationship. This person has an easy-going temperament, and is willing and able to include a lot of communication in the relationship. They need to reach out to a partner to feel they are in an intimate relationship, and want the same kind of sharing from the one they love. Women find men of this type very compelling: The mixture of dominance and compromise in their character and their stable, non-aggressive temperament will strike many as just the right balance. Add their willingness to share what they're feeling, and this person will almost surely be sought after. This is also a great personality for women. Men who like a woman with a strong personality will most likely find an FDTE warm, low maintenance and emotionally together.

Lily Takes Baking an Apple Pie to New Heights

You'll just have to see this pie to believe it. We're taking it over to Dreena and Paul's for Christmas day. I wish I could have a warm slice now with a glass of milk. It's just gorgeous.

This particular recipe took Lily hours to prepare because she made the pie crust too. Each step required her to put it back in the refrigerator to chill for an hour.  There were three trips to the fridge.

Impressive looking, isn't it?! Yummy too, I'll bet, but I gotta wait.

Tom

"Hello Tarzan" - How to Connect with Your Man - Podcast Interview with Gigi Sage

Here something different! A Podcast for women about men.

As part of the ongoing Talking Portraits audio interview series, Gigi Sage delves into some of the secrets included in her book "Hello Tarzan," or what she likes to call a "how-to book for women." According to Sage, this book is a manual to show women how they can have harmonious and happy relationships with all of the men in their lives.

With advice that is equally good for the workplace as it is in the home, Sage explains some of the mistakes and challenges women have when relating to men. During the interview, Sage explains the purpose behind each of the five parts of her book "Hello Tarzan," which she almost entitled "Would you rather be right or rich? Would you rather be right or happy?" Some of the many secrets contained in the book are revealed and provide solid advice for women (and men) to improve their personal and professional relationships.

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This is a nice departure from all my more technical interviews about social media.  Gigi lives in Austin, and Julie Demaree introduced me to her a few months back, thinking her new book would be a great interview topic - it is. I was really taken by her insights and rather different way of looking at men and women behaviors. 

I decided to revisit with Gigi lately to get a two-hour session with her on dating.  I came away from my time with her with a very different way of looking at my interactions with women.  Seemed a good thing, considering my difficulties and misunderstandings.  Good to be alive and always learning. Thank goodness for life being so forgiving of us as humans and our willingness to forgive each other.

Love
Tom

Justin and Juliet Officially in Boulder, Colorado

Justin and Juliet
315 29th St.
Boulder CO 80305

Write them!

I'm hoping they will send a snapshot of front of their house. I'm so proud of them.

Lily and I already miss you.

Love
Tom

Donna Brown Helps Lily Dress up as Lucille Ball

On December 1st Lily had a birthday, and Donna Brown, long-time friend of the family, was visiting.  Donna used to babysit Justin and Lauren when we lived on Duval and 183. So, Donna helped Lily figure out how to get those tiny little fake eyelashes on and encouraged Lily to really  'go for it' in her vision to look like the actress Lucille Ball.  Lily was going to a dress-up party where everyone was supposed to look like a actor or actress from the past. What fun, eh!

So here are the pictures

Enjoy the pics ... and to Donna - thank you for your kindness and creativity in helping Lily.

love

Tom

 

Lessons in Life ...

Yesterday and today I've had a quote running through my mind over and over again.  When I get impatient for change or run up against goals that just don't work out for me as I dreamed and envisioned with such clarity, I become frustrated. Well, don't we all?

I had hoped to get a panel approved for SXSW (on Social Media strategies) but it was declined at the last minute for reasons not yet fully known. I had spent months focusing on that project. A relationship didn't pan out despite the fire I had for that connection and months of hope. Justin and Juliet leave tomorrow morning. I'm feeling sadness about their departure. Justin is my closest personal connection to Sharon, and I'm dreading his being so far away from me and Lily. We'll still be close, I'm sure, and I'm excited about this next big step in his life's journey with Juliet.

Life just has its plan, and I'm reminded so often that I'm not in charge nor am I in control.  I'm reading a book this weekend:

The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

It just seems to fit into this whole track I'm on right now about reviewing what I had in mind to be true and finding my way into what is and accepting that there is more -- as I say yes to what is true. It's just hard sometimes and hurts at times.

The John Lennon quote running through my head right now is:
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

I'm focusing on making new plans so I can give life some new space to happen.

with love
Tom

Write!

Write a comment and let me know what you're doing for the holidays yourself. Let's get the interaction going again on this blog with new energy and excitement. Tell me what's new in your life.

Tom

I'm Dating - There, I Said It

One of the most difficult aspects of blogging is how much to do convey about yourself (well ok myself), personally. This is a topic I haven't spoken up since I set the blog up after Sharon's passing in 2006. There has been a lot of speculation and talk about my dating so I figured it was time to just communicate what's been on my mind and what I've been doing. As I approach2008 I'm looking forward to new opportunities on all fronts.

Truth is, I have been dating for a few months. I've been quiet about it for reasons I'll largely still keep private because it is private. The process has had it's ups and downs emotionally.  And there has been some real deep hurt along the way. I learned again you can't love unless you trust fully, but trusting fulling means the risk of hurt is there too. I wouldn't change anything but I do hope to learn along the way how to find once again in life someone that is right for me at this point in my life.

There are some obvious reasons I've held back blogging on dating, as you can imagine. For me it seemed like I lived in a fish bowel in my marriage with Sharon because she was so visible around the world with her work in transforming people's lives - a fact that I remain so proud of to this day because I still get notes from people around the world about Sharon and their connection to her.

But I admit that I lost, to some degree, a lot of my privacy by the fact that I wrote a blog (sometimes hourly) while Sharon was in the hospital for those two weeks in a coma. What better way to inform the global community of Sharon's status than to blog? And I kept blogging about the family for months and months afterward. So when I started dating I was still in this fishbowl (partly of my own creating) and at times that made it difficult for me and the person I was dating to enjoy any privacy. I wish I could change that, but it's in the past now and that's just how it was.

I reae now I didn't consider how blogging was going to impact my thinking and my actions when it came to dating. It was something that impacted not only me but whomever I took out, especially if the woman was even remotely close to the family or the community of people Sharon worked with for the last 20 years.

The other more delicate issue was one of personal timing. Everyone has their own clock as to when it's the 'right' time to start dating after you become a widow or widower. I've heard of some people still anguishing over their loss internally (and leaking that out externally in their life) for many years.  People can be so unwilling to change the house or their lives and when they finally begin a new relationship they putting a wall up to protect themselves from being hurt again and not reaing he has become emotionally unavailable. It's understandable on the one hand yet at some point when do you move on in your life and open back up to giving and receiving love?  It's odd how we often we hold onto the belief that pure logic of right and wrong will prevail over the heart which in fact you want both in your life.

Ok so, there have been no end of comments on the issue of grief and how long to grieve,  but the perspective I've got to live with is mine. And for me, I was ready to start the process this year (roughly mid-way) in a kind of organic manner to see how it felt. And I did so privately for nearly half of 2007. It's been a roller coaster of excitement at times, and as I said some real hurt along the way of relearning how to love another woman at this stage of my life.

It's a learning experience to start dating again at 53 after 19 years of being happily married, largely because I'm in a different place in my life. I'm not interested in having babies, though I am looking forward to being a granddad. I'm not starting my career either.  I'm no longer sorting out why I'm mad at my mom and dad for the way they raised me, and so forth ... I'm not worried about my manhood or still wondering about my previous relationships or still embroiled in old family feuds. I'm ready to step in and more fully enjoy my life with a partner again, when the right one comes along.

In previous conversations with Jenny Meadows, wonderful friend, mentor and my beloved copy editor, she and I shared the fact that neither of us is ready to throw in the towel and settle.  I admire that about her as I can see how she models remaining spunky and sexy-looking as ever - almost 8 years my senior.  I admire how she has remains committed to her own personal work to maintain a level of aliveness that keeps her young and accepting of life. You go, Jenny!

I'm interested in a relationship that is full of love along with a zest for life.  I enjoy exercising to stay fit, and remaining engaged in a creative profession even if I don't have to work. Both keep me young and I wake up excited about life. I love listening to music and turning it up really loud on occasion, just for the rush of it. I'm exploring how to cook and reading more books and meeting new people. Most of all, I have my passion for making love with ever-new excitement and joy, with the right partner, and moving forward with new insights and feelings about being happy to be alive.  I find this a motivation for my creativity, and when I'm feeling creative I feel an aliveness all through my body.

So despite the setbacks and learnings of the year with regard to dating, I'm full of gratitude for all that has occurred and the kind of love I experienced this year. I have many fond memories of our times together.

I've decided I'm not going to search for a relationship that feels like I'm 'settling' and put on the brakes when it comes to growing more as a human. I see a lot of this with people hitting their 50s and above. It just becomes easier to stop and do what's easy.  I know deep inside me what that amazing 'spark' is like when the chemistry is there, and that's what I'm going for again. For me this means someone local and someone available to be committed to the process of learning about each other's lives. And when we're 70 we'll still feel like we're in our early 50s. That's a vision I can be on board with.

I want someone in my life who is as excited about being with me as I am them and willing to make and keep the commitment to grow the relationship, even during the difficult times of looking inside each other to make changes for that love to evolve. Because on the other side of that is something very beautiful and lovely to behold. Isn't that what we all want - to fully give and receive love?   Are you interested in that too? Let me know.

There, I said it.

And as Carl Jung says - "Bidden or not Bidden, God is Present."

Let that be the witness of how we bring ourselves to the events of our lives.

Onward for 2008. Look for more changes on this blog in the following weeks.

Tom

Changes in the Wind

There are a number of changes coming up soon for me personally and for this blog.

Soon the name of the blog will change to simply the "ParishFamily.com." And Sharon's picture will no longer reign at the top.  I've pondered what to call this blog as time has passed and when to do this. And for me, an end-of-year change is what works well. 

Calling it the ParishFamily.com is simply what I want to do. I'm the last male "Parish" in the family, and with Sharon's loving care over the years we enjoyed a beautiful and amazing marriage, and we raised three children - Justin, Lauren and Lily. Lauren lived with Marie, my first wife, of course, but she's my daughter and I'm a Parish and I love her dearly. As a dad I've let go of calling her Lauren Parish (now Lauren Foresman), and it's been difficult at times.

In case you're a sporatic reader of our blog you'll recall that Lauren married Ryan Foresman in July 2007 and Justin and Juliet married in October 2007.  It's been a momentous year of change for everyone - me included. 

Justin and Juliet leave for Boulder, Colorado, tomorrow. Ryan is looking for a hospital to start the next leg of his medical education, so they may be moving too - though I think he's still considering staying in Galveston. We'll know more soon.

Lily has turned 16 and is starting to learn how to drive.  This too is a signpost of change, because once she begins driving she starts down the path of her independence. Slow at first, I'm sure, but once you start driving you begin expanding your perception of where you live and where you could live, and all that leads to going to college in a couple of very short years. It's another turning point in life as a parent where you reae you're getting older along with your children and it's time to start thinking about what 'you' want to do with your life.

Tom

"Happy Endings" out on DVD - Get it!

Just finished watching this movie tonight and it has to be one of the best I've seen in a while about real people and their lives  -- just as they are. I highly recommend you get it.
Tom

Lisa Kudrow, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Laura Dern and Jason Ritter star in this unusual comedy, written and directed by Don Roos, that gathers a series of connected vignettes about the randomness of love and life. A documentary filmmaker threatens to reveal a woman's long-held secret; a father and his son find out that they're both seeing the same woman; a gay man discovers his partner may (or may not) be the father of their friend's baby; and more.

Christmas Time at the Parish Home 2007

Lily put up the prettiest little tree one could imagine.  Our two stockings are hanging up. Soon we'll get little stockings for Tinkerbell and Wendy.

This beautiful little Christmas tree is so short we had to set it up on a small table; however, it's very wide. I'll get a picture posted here shortly. The house is decorated and we're looking forward to enjoying the holidays even with all the changes occurring in our lives. Mine sure has been up and down lately.

For example, Justin and Juliet are leaving for Boulder, Colorado, on December 17th, and that's both exciting and sad for Lily and me. We will miss them dearly.

I'm looking forward to winding down from all my projects and relaxing more the next  couple of weeks. I have an upgrade I want to do in my studio - I like doing that kind of thing, as you can imagine. I'm looking forward to having friends over to watch movies and talk and play cards and just be real with each other. I'm looking forward to connecting with friends and family as we enter the new year, so give me a call or email and we'll arrange a time to connect.

Lily and I are hoping to have our annual soup party the afternoon and early evening on Christmas Eve. Typically it's a pot luck. I need to sort out the details with Lily so we can get the word out. Everyone is welcome.

More soon.

Love
Tom

Taking a Moment to Remember Sharon

I wasn't really sleeping well tonight so I got up to just sit quietly in the house, sip some warm tea and remember Sharon. I found this piece from the eulogy I wrote for her and I simply felt compelled to repost it. Just seems to ring as true now for me as it did back then with regards to my life and how I want to live it. I hope it does for others.
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The core of Sharon’s soul was about learning about herself (and helping you learn about yourself) so you could more fully join with all that is one – and with each other and with life.  You’ll find this in the lyrics of the songs she loved, like Vienna Teng’s Soon Love Soon. It was true of the books and movies and dreams that Sharon most commented about over the years.

What made Sharon such an enigma, I think, was her ability to bring this philosophy (though I don’t think she’d ever use that word much) to each moment of her life and our lives without any dogma.  She seemed to instinctively know there was more than what you saw in front of you during those moments of upset, anguish, frustration. She knew there was more than just saying life is good or bad. She was always seeking a deeper meaning that led to love. Sharon was all about helping us find that sacred moment in everything that occurs in our lives every hour of every day.

She wasn’t selling anything. She wasn’t trying to enroll you into something you didn’t want to do or see (well, ok, maybe sometimes during moments of self-inflicted resistance when I didn’t want to listen …).

But don’t you know that I’m saying here? The lyrics that capture this best are from John Lennon’s Imagine:

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

Sharon was simply offering to love you as you are and bring to you a thought that there is more. More to life beyond what your mind was yammering at any moment of complication or anger or grief. Sharon just seemed to know each moment in life had a gift for you inside your mind and body.

You just had to be patient and willing to notice and apply some discipline in your personal processes. And to remember to love yourself along the way. In our 20 years of life together, Sharon never seemed to ever forget the importance of offering these truths.

Sharon, I love you, my dear. I miss you.

Forever yours – your friend, your lover and your husband,
Tom

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